Self-Disclosure: "i'm a jew"

I had a kind of weird conversation recently with someone. This person was under the impression that I was going to talk about being Jewish with my clients more than I do. Because, otherwise, I appear to just be another white person, someone who doesn't understand being a minority.

Anyway, I made a piece about it... I wanted to make a book where I could be revealed in pieces or as a whole.

I chose a skeleton to represent me because 1) I tried to draw myself and that was a disaster, and 2) because I really wonder how much disclosure she was thinking of. Just mention that I'm Jewish, or go down deep to my identity issues?

(I considered finding a naked person for this, but I felt like that would be too funny and not taken the way I intend.)

After making this I wondered if there was more relationship between making a skeleton to represent my Jewish identity in this book.

The image seemed gruesome to some but I think I am trying to express that I felt like I was being stripped of my individual identity. In this instant, I felt like what I am was more important than who I am. The parts of me that make me look unique (skin, fat, muscle, facial features, clothing) are all stripped away.

I kind of like this skeleton because he looks friendly to me. He has a posture that isn't like the standard medical posture, he's kind of extending a hand. He says, "Hey, let's make some art."

Love the Fried Food Holiday

JewishGuy made the raw latke mix (grated potatoes, cut onions, etc) while I was finishing homework and I did the frying (while he fried chicken). They were so crispy and gorgeous and delicious.

Unfortunately the fried chicken went so quickly I didn't get a good picture of it :( It was also extremely tasty and beautiful.

One of the things I love most about Judaism is the food connected to each holiday... there basically isn't any holiday food I don't like except matzah (well, and sufganiyot, but I don't like donuts any time of the year). But even with the foods I don't like, holidays are such a sensory experience... from sticky sweet Rosh Hashana, to the oiliness of Hanukkah, to the constipation of Passover, to the drunkenness of Purim, to the cheesecake overload nausea of Shavuot, and beyond. Each year is a cycle of the senses.

This year was the 3rd Annual JewishGal & JewishGuy Hanukkah Potluck. The first year was in Houston and we did it because HillelLady had some leftover deli from an event and offered it to us, so we fried up some latkes and invited people to come over for candles and bring some dishes. Last year was our first year in Chicago and we hadn't had much of a chance to invite people over for dinners (since we didn't have a big enough table), so we invited people over for the party... it was -10 out but everyone still came! Someone's breath froze on her glasses on the way over, though.

This year was in the mid-30s, so no outside temperature problems, and we managed to keep the kitchen cool with some advanced planning. At 2pm we turned down the thermostat, at 4:30 we opened some windows and turned on the fans pointing out of the kitchen. By the time we were done frying the kitchen temperature wasn't much warmer than the rest of the apartment, so we were able to close the windows at 9.

Next year in New York!

Spicy!

I made one of those orange ball things (pomander?) today. Our reed diffuser has run out and I thought it might be nice to have a fresh air freshener for a change. We would have done this with our etrog after Sukkot if we had known about the power of cloves shoved in citrons.

We can also use it for havdalah!

---

You need:

1 orange
lots of whole cloves
fresh rosemary
some kind of bag, netting, or ribbons

Just poke holes in the orange and stick the cloves in. I used a skewer to make the holes. Then I took a leftover netted bag (used to hold clementines) and hung it with fresh rosemary. It's now hanging in our dining room :)

I decided to do this today after checking out this blog: This Girl and Some Guy.

Classic Lunch

Peanut butter and jelly... a classic. I eat about 3 PB&J sandwiches a week.

Looking forward to taking pictures of latkes, fried chicken, and candles this weekend. (We are extending the tradition of eating fried foods to include fried chicken.)

First Snow

I'm pretty amazed that we made it all the way to December 7 before it finally snowed (it flurried a little last week but it didn't even make it to the ground). I woke up this morning to snow on the trees and grass, and slush on the sidewalks. It made my walk to the train interesting and slippery. I really don't miss winter at all.

Favorite Snack

Yum pirate booty :D

(Can you tell I really like my new camera???)

Yarn

My friend was making something out of yarn and had a lot of little bits left over on the table.

Problem/Challenge out of String

When I feel like things are particularly out of control and I am really agitated, what is most calming for me is to work with string. I had forgotten about this but I really think working with string is what got me through 7th grade (probably the hardest year of my life so far, with a bully who posed as my "best friend" and was both emotionally and occasionally physically abusive). In 7th grade, once I started making bracelets every night, spending hours tying knots, I soon was able to separate myself from this bully and asked to transfer schools for the next year.

I used colorful embroidery floss and started a little business that was perhaps surprisingly organized: 25c for a standard 3 string bracelet, 10c for every string after that - for custom orders it was 50c + the regular charges. I was a little entrepreneur. I made a lot of money in quarters that year, which partially went to buying more string (and eventually expanding to making beaded rings or including beads in the bracelets, also at extra cost). I'm still pretty proud of how organized it was. I used to display my inventory on my backpack (I hung the bracelets off of the back using safety pins) so people could see my wares as I walked the hallways. I did accept trades, as many girls were making elastic bracelets with big plastic beads - only a few years ago did I realize the colors of the beads on those bracelets apparently stood for various sexual acts the person wearing them was willing to perform. I just liked the colors.

My former bully was my biggest competitor in the market, but she priced her bracelets too high and her workmanship was shoddy. Everyone went to me, especially since I did custom orders, but especially because I wasn't an ass. So through the bracelet making I learned that nobody really liked this person who had isolated me and made me feel terrible about myself. I also had conversations with people who formerly hadn't spoken to me. I also spent a lot of time in a semi-meditative state, tying knots for hours at night, not thinking but allowing myself to relax. It didn't reverse the damage she had done to me, but it made me feel better in some way - is that wrong?

Anyway, I've tried crocheting at various points in my life and it is coming up again in grad school as an alternative medium for art therapy. However, I am sadly inept at crocheting. This is probably due to my inability to follow directions and keep track of what I'm doing.

Tonight I was feeling really agitated and angry (as you can read in my previous post about the craft fair). It wasn't only the craft fair that was making me angry, but I won't go into the rest here. I have a project due on Thursday where we are supposed to make an art piece about a problem or challenge at our internship. So instead of doing my standard watercolor painting, I dragged out the yarn and decided to crochet with no purpose and no design, letting whatever formed form, and not be disappointed in the results.

This is what happened:


I started with the circle, which was originally intended to be flat, but like I said I can't follow directions and now it is a mountain. The hand really grew organically, first I had a weird outgrowth of the circle, then a finger, then two fingers, then I realized it was a hand and finished the hand. I went back and reinforced the rest of the piece, including adding a handle, when I realized it looked a lot like a chamsa. I added the blue to the evil eye part to give it an extra protective element.


I think at first it was supposed to be about figuring out how to make all of the different elements work together. I started off with white, brown, and orange yarns, trying to use three pieces of yarn at a time. Then the orange ran out, so I added another yarn, which is kind of gray with multi-colored flecks in it. When I realized what was happening I was able to create a recognizable shape, but not just any shape, a protective shape.

I think one of the biggest challenges of my internship is figuring out how to be myself there. I feel so protective over people that I work with, but I think I don't take good enough care of myself. I have to see the bigger picture, and think of everyone involved and not just the particular client I am closest to at the moment.

I think the chamsa appeared as a wish to be more protected, because maybe I still feel very insecure there, even when I feel like I do a good job I don't feel secure.

Disappointed @ Renegade Craft

Last September I went to the Renegade Craft Fair and had a few really good finds. Most of all, I had a good time walking around, hanging out with my friend who was in for the weekend, seeing the vendors (a few I knew personally yayyy), and getting ideas for my own crafting.

I applied to the Holiday fair that was this weekend and didn't get in. I want to state for the record that I'm not at all bitter about it, that I'm pretty sure our application wasn't professional enough anyway, and had been looking forward to the fair since I got home from the one in September. I advertised it to all my friends, even saw a few there, and made sure I had enough cash (but not TOO much cash) to spend.

Boy was I disappointed.

First of all, I understand space constraints when you have a craft fair inside because it is freezing cold out. I get that. And there probably was some cost issues with finding a decent site. Okay. But it was so crowded I had to spend a lot of energy just moving around. That means I spent more time figuring out how to get from booth to booth than I spent at each booth.

Second of all, everything was priced too high. This was probably because it was a "holiday" sale and people thought they could get away with it. Well, that really sucks. Earrings I thought were worth $20-30 were priced at $40+. Even things that I was vaguely interested in were way above what I was willing to spend.

Also, a note to vendors: If you are "recycling" objects you found at the junk store, do not charge $100+ if you don't somehow elevate the junk store find from its junk store status. Don't find an "awesome" gear and then stick a necklace chain on it and charge $120. That is freaking lame. I didn't even take a closer look a booths where I saw that happen.

Ugh, I am so disappointed and sad. I went with money in my pocket to buy some interesting hand made things and ended up leaving tired and frustrated.

JewishGuy also pointed out that the entire fair was targeted at young women... like, middle-class women in their 20s (like me). There was almost no variety. I agree, but as the target audience I didn't mind as much, I just wished I could have afforded anything there. We went to the Renegade Craft Fair instead of the One of a Kind show (both going on at the same time) because I was sure the One of a Kind show was priced too high and I would leave feeling the way I do now.

In the end, if you didn't go this winter, you probably didn't miss anything.

Wow I am really in a bad mood now. What can I do to feel better?

Purple

Enjoying the sunlight.